my biggest mistake was going off zoloft

Disclaimer: I know everyone's experience is different going off meds, but I just wanted to share mine.

I've been on Zoloft for my Major Depressive Disorder for about 6 years, teetering between 100-150 mgs. I finally weaned off of it in late November/early December last year (2024).

Initially, when I went off it I was fine. The zaps finally dissipated, the teeth-grinding in my sleep finally subsided. But so far this month I have been feeling way off. I don't feel "fine" anymore - I feel worse.

Every morning I wake up with horrible anxiety. Throughout the day I don't feel right, like there's nothing holding me together anymore. A bit of an exaggeration, but that's how I feel. Maybe it's because I have been on Zoloft for so long. But now I feel like I need Zoloft to function. I thought I was "okay enough" to go off them, with my psychiatrists guidance of course.

Going down the milligrams each month, starting in September, sometimes I would experience the withdrawal zaps/jolts to my body. Just a part of the process I guess. After finally going off them in December I would experience lingering zaps, just a part of the process I guess. "I can handle it ", I thought. I did, for a few weeks.

In my life, there are some external stressors: - Falling out with a "trusted" friend group - Company merger, where my company was acquired by a larger company. Will I get to keep my job? - Existential dread, due to everything

I like to think that this is all just some bad timing by the universe. That there's no way that the emotions I'm feeling are intensified due to the circumstances in my life while I'm off meds.

Turns out, being off meds while these things are happening isn't ideal. I called my psychiatrist's office this morning to schedule an appointment.

While actively weaning off the meds I would tell myself that if I end up being okay being off Zoloft, then great. And if not, then oh well, at least I tried.

And I did try. And it didn't work out. And here I am saying "oh well".

It's okay if something doesn't work out in the end. At least you tried. Knowing your limits is a good thing, because this was pushing mine.