I hate that Weezer is a meme

Every time I try to speak about my unwavering, undying love for my favorite band— I always have some disgusting, overweight, pimply, smelly, rat in my ear saying some cornball half-assed joke about Weezer.

I will simply talk about the PEAK that is the blue album and some moron will stammer over their words, giggling like Beavis and Butthead before their ‘joke’ is even audible. Their blubber from their fatty cheeks vibrating from each chuckle, “hah… Weezer blue…” they mutter.

All I can do is stare at them, sometimes I indulge, pathetically and patiently laughing along as this rejected TLC star continues to howl and bark and hoot in laughter like they just made a joke single handedly better than Eddie Murphys entire career.

People will laugh in my face as I say they are my favorite band, thinking I just must be some elaborate jokester. Once handed the aux, I show my true commitment— playing Weezer BANGER after BANGER. The person listening in awe as I continue to clog up the queue with peak only.

“Bro this is trash”, the horizontally, facially challenged creature next to me mutters. I try to let it roll off my back, surely they come from some musical standing to have an opinion on my beloved.

“Sorry dude, here— play a song,” I pass the phone to them. They click around on the phone, their clumsy fat fingers causing multiple disturbances as they type. Their eyebrows pinched in concentration, even a bead of sweat forming on their forehead.

Ah… they are nervous. Of course they are. They know nothing will ever compare to the heat I’ve just subjected them to. Finally, they shyly pass back the phone to me and I peer up at the radio to see which song they chose.

“MGK” in big, bold letters.

The creature shines its pearly yellows as it begins to sing. All I can do is watch in horror.

You can have shit taste, you can dislike Weezer— you, however, CANNOT HAVE BOTH. You greedy, disgusting, ARROGANT PIG. YOU ARE SINGLE HANDEDLY DISRUPTING THE HARMONY IN OUR WORLD WHICH WEEZER HAD WORKED SO HARD TO BALANCE.

I’m so serious. I’m sick of people singing the Buddy Holly riff at me like it’s some sort of genius joke, expecting me to crack a smile. No. No. I will no longer entertain this.

I’m sick of seeing people purchase the beautiful Weezer blue album t-shirt for shits and giggles. My culture is not your costume.

Once I met up with an old friend, he spotted me wearing a Weezer t shirt and damn near laughed— “is that a joke?” This is harassment. I explained it was, in fact, not a joke. He just shook his head in response “sorry, I’ve got a few friends with the same shirt. They don’t listen to them though, they just find it funny,”… sick, twisted, and deprived.

Funny? FUNNY? What about wearing a damn t-shirt with a band on it is FUNNY? If I walk around with an Aerosmith shirt and a smug expression is that all the sudden qualified as a JOKE? AS FUNNY? Your humor is SHIT. Your life is SHIT. You will amount to NOTHING.

Even worse, when they PRETEND to like Weezer because it’s a meme.

You want to be a loser, huh? You want that, yea?

“Heh… I’m such a virgin loser boy,” no. NO YOU ARENT. I WONT VALIDATE YOU, GODDAMN IT YOU ARE COOL.

I ask the creature its favorite song, it simply replies “oh they have a lot of good songs… hah… uhm maybe… buddy holly?” …

Have you considered that maybe you should die, NOW.

I hate it. You aren’t a nerd, you are failing out of pre-algebra. You aren’t a loser, you’ve got 25 million friends who all dry hump your leg. You definitely aren’t a virgin, look in a mirror.

You want to know who IS all of those things…?

ME. I AM. THATS HOW I WAS ABLE TO SIT DOWN AND WRITE ALL OF THIS CRAP. MY NOTIFICATIONS? EMPTY. MY SCREEN TIME? THROUGH THE DAMN ROOF. MY FRIENDS? TWO ON A GOOD DAY. BITCHES??? NONE. ZERO. NADA.

I was BORN GREASY AND PERVERTED, you want to be ME. ADMIT IT. YOU WANT MY LIFE. PATHETIC AND MEANINGLESS DONT YOU.

You are a thief. That has taken all that was me. BITCH.