I know everyone says ATAR doesn’t matter but it really does

It’s like I’m just realizing now that, while I tell others not to stress about their ATAR—that it doesn’t matter in the long run and that there are always pathways as long as you put in your best effort—I didn’t put in any effort myself. There must be something wrong with me because I just cannot study or find any motivation and now pulling myself out of bed just to study for something I can’t even get into anymore feels to hard.

Now I can’t get into any courses that interest me, and if I want to go to a good uni or the “prestigious” unis that my family say they only hire from, I’d have to take pathways that could add years to my degree. I feel so lost because if I had just focused, I could’ve been on a direct path. I’ve spent the whole day crying, and I still have exams left. I know my ATAR won’t be good because I’ve essentially given up, and I feel like there’s no point in trying anymore. Even if I were to get a good ATAR, I didn’t take the right prerequisites for nearly any of the courses I’m interested in.

I feel like I haven’t put any effort into Year 12, haven’t studied, haven’t prepared for my exams, and honestly, it feels like the last 13 years of school have led to nothing because I didn’t even try. It just feels like a waste of time and my parents’ money. I hate the whole system—ATAR, VCE, VCAA, even universities that set such high requirements and prerequisites that don’t actually relate to the course material.

I need to know if anyone else feels like this. I started out with high expectations, knowing I could do well if I really tried, but with every exam, I’ve watched those expectations drop. I just feel like I’ve let so many people down. I feel guilty for not trying but I physically couldn’t try, I’m just so drained

Update I think everyone’s a bit confused or misled. Firstly, I’m not suicidal or mentally ill, and secondly, I’m not lazy or stupid. I know i made it sound like I just didn’t do my work and wasted my time, but I posted this because I knew I could have done better and was feeling stressed and extremely upset. There were several major factors that really affected my ability to perform my best that no amount of SEAS will help, and I’m worried about how that will impact my chances of getting into the uni and courses I want. I just needed some reassurance or guidance that things will work out. In no way am I trying to blame others or make excuses that this was anything other then myself, but I faced circumstances this year that were out of my control, and I’ve struggled a lot because of it. I’m finally starting to recover.