my best friend just killed herself.

I don't even know where to start. I can't process this, I'm so overwhelmed and I'm so done, I've been crying like a dog for the last two hours, I have a pounding headache and I cant think clearly nor do I know what just happened. She was depressed for a while now, we were in a ward together, she was getting better, what happened? so many questions that will never ever be answered, so many moments we will never have, so much grief and tears. Her mom called me, they found her laying, a bloody suicide letter tightly in her grip. I'm at a loss, I don't want to open the text message she sent me before, why didn't she call me or drive to me? I love her so much why did she do this to me...