Birthday Blues 🎻

It’s my birthday in my home country in a few hours. And while I feel the BEST version of myself, finally so in tune with my body and femininity… there’s this little cloud of dread I can’t quite shake.

I am feeling in need of a little boo hoo as I can’t share this with anyone in my real life. May I? cue worlds smallest violin 🎻🎻🎻

It’s my first bday in a long time without being in some form of an SR - feeling celebrated and spoiled and taken care of. It’s usually my one day a year where I can just relax and be courted, sent for nails or a beautiful lunch.. But alas, I’m completely alone & burntout from trying to find a genuine SR…

The past few months re entering the bowl after an incredible LT SR have been a whirlwind.

I was ghosted by someone who promised the world but turned out to be nothing like he said. Then, I traveled across the globe to reconnect with someone I hadn’t seen in years who reminded me just how life-giving the bowl used to be—a reminder that the safer she feels, the nastier she becomes 😈. NOTHING is better than the sex that comes with building a foundational connection.

Amid lackluster messages and time-wasting Johns, I thought I’d found someone worth celebrating my birthday with—only to discover he was jaded by past scams and saw me as a toy, not a person. A particularly vile sexual message from him still irks me days later (you can find it in my past comments, if you’re curious 😅). I know I’m supposed to have thick skin, but some days, even I hit my limit.

It’s a pattern I’m noticing… SDs burned by the past, so afraid of being “rinsed” that they sabotage genuine connection. Some try to cut corners, diving straight into sexual talk to make sure I’m “a giver” (let’s be real: sex exudes from my personality naturally… real men sense it from a mile away!)

And yet, through all this, I still adore men and my deepest wish is to nourish and spoil one. I know my worth and all I bring to the table—my ambition, dark humor, and insatiable appetite for pleasure.

But today? Today, I’m feeling a little lonely, a little disheartened, and maybe just a touch self-indulgent. There’s just nothing like having a safe provider man spoil you on your special day.

Thank you for listening to my woes 🎻🎻🎻

TDLR: feeling a little lonely and burnt out from the bowl on my special day and just needed a self indulgent rant and to feel seen (and very very aware not being in a SR is not a reflection of my worth xxx)