Rock bottom- Apparently drove my car blacked out and broke it. I have legitimate no memory of this. I want to die.

I have never been so ashamed in my life. Last Thursday I THOUGHT I had spent my whole day at home drinking. So to my shock when I tried to go to work the next day my car was wobbling left to right and the front bumper was half ripped off. I also saw some fast food wrappers. I immediately started freaking out thinking I had driven somewhere. I don’t remember a single thing. My car had to get towed. I feel utterly disgusted with myself. What if I had hurt someone? KILLED SOMEONE??? And I wouldn’t have REMEMBERED IT. I would have woken up in a jail cell wondering where I am. I am very lucky all I did was break my car (it’s fixable) but this is truly my rock bottom. I didn’t know my black out self would think driving is a good idea. I’m so ashamed. I’d rather never drink a single drop again than risk harming someone or myself.

I don’t know if I deserve kind words of encouragement. I feel so disgusting and ashamed and I can’t tell my family about this. I am just so sorry and ashamed. I am glad no one got hurt but I’m going to have nightmares from now on about the what ifs.

Thank you for reading

Update: my car will take about 1kCAD to fix. An expensive lesson for my broke ass. On the bright side I know I’m not gonna be losing 80$ a week on vodka and cranberry juice anymore