My secret to improving yourself in the long-term

Like I'm sure a lot of you, I have been working on trying to improve myself for a long time. For years I struggled with depression, self-loathing, and just generally went through things with a bad outlook on life. But recently I think my outlook has been changing.

One of the things I did a lot when I was depressed was think of my problems as something to be beaten. And I didn't even consider the root of the problem (my inability to accept myself) and instead focused on things that had achievable goals. To be happy, I had to lose 20 lbs. I had to force myself to do things I didn't truly want to do to make new friends. I had to stop smoking weed. This was the kind of mindset I was stuck in, that to be happy I needed external things to happen in my life, and if I couldn't make those things happen, I'd never be happy.

And while I do truly think that there is nothing wrong with wanting to change habits about your life that you think are harmful to yourself, you also need to accept yourself as you are currently. Accept yourself for where you are now.

For example, instead of shaming myself for smoking weed and trying to look up all sorts of "cheats" to change yourself (stopping cold-turkey, throwing it all away), I accepted that I was currently doing more drugs than I was comfortable with. I considered the effects I felt drugs were having on my life as being mostly negative, and contributing to other bad habits I felt I possessed. So I accepted myself for who I was then, and made a promise to myself to try to change. I didn't accept the shame and guilt I felt from smoking weed. And if I didn't always completely achieve what I set out to do in the parameters I gave myself, I promised myself to try again. You need to think logically and objectively. Stop letting your own self-loathing affect your decision making process.

I think that principle applies to so much - dieting, exercise, even trying to incorporate new, better habits. Just thinking of life as something to be lived, and not achieved - after all, life isn't a video game. You don't get to the end of the last level and get your high score at the end. So stop trying to think in a binary and expand your thinking process to consider what I've said.

I hope this message helps you. I really do.