How to stop being so hard on yourself
We’re our own worst critics, aren’t we?
That inner voice we have. The one that’s quick to remind you of every mistake, every shortcoming, every time you didn’t measure up.
That can be relentless.
It’s like no matter how much you do, it’s never enough.
You might tell yourself you’re just holding yourself to a high standard, but there’s a fine line between pushing yourself to grow and tearing yourself down. If you’re constantly hard on yourself, it’s exhausting. And if you’re honest, it probably hasn’t been helping you either.
A lot of us grew up thinking we had to be tough on ourselves to succeed. That if we weren’t, we’d fall behind, get lazy, or let others down. But the truth is, being overly self-critical doesn’t make you better. It makes you burned out. When your inner voice is all criticism and no compassion, you stop believing in yourself. You don’t take chances because you’re afraid of messing up, and you miss opportunities to learn and grow because you’re too focused on avoiding failure.
The first step to stopping this cycle is recognizing when it’s happening. Pay attention to your thoughts the next time you feel like you’ve fallen short. Are you telling yourself things you’d never say to someone else? Imagine if a friend came to you with the same situation. Would you call them a failure or remind them of everything they’re doing right? Most of us are kinder to others than we are to ourselves, and that’s something worth flipping around.
It’s also important to understand where this self-criticism comes from. Maybe you were taught that your worth is tied to your achievements. Maybe you’re afraid that if you’re not perfect, people won’t respect or value you. Whatever the reason, it’s worth unpacking. When you understand why you’re so hard on yourself, it’s easier to challenge those patterns.
Start practicing self-compassion. I know that might sound soft, but hear me out. Compassion isn’t about making excuses or letting yourself off the hook, but it’s about giving yourself the same understanding and grace you’d offer someone else. When you mess up, instead of beating yourself up, ask, “What can I learn from this?” or “How can I move forward?”. Mistakes are part of being human. They don’t define you unless you let them.
It’s also okay to celebrate small wins. When you’re constantly focused on what you didn’t do, you lose sight of what you’ve accomplished. Take a moment to acknowledge your progress, no matter how small it might seem. Maybe you showed up to the gym even though you didn’t feel like it. Maybe you had a tough conversation you’d been putting off. Those things count, and they deserve recognition.
Lastly, give yourself permission to rest. You don’t have to be productive every minute of the day to be worthy. Rest isn’t laziness. It’s absolutely necessary for you to recharge so you can keep going. If you’re constantly pushing yourself without a break, you’re setting yourself up for burnout. Rest isn’t the enemy of progress, it’s actually a crucial part of it.
If you’ve been hard on yourself for a long time, changing that won’t happen overnight. But with time and effort, you can learn to treat yourself with the kindness you deserve. You’re not alone in this struggle, and you’re not failing just because you’re not perfect. Keep showing up, keep trying, and please remember, you’re doing better than you think.
I hope this helps.
Adios, gandalfbutbetter
This post was originally posted in Subreddit mengetbetter