I wanna relapse

My cuts have started to scar super ugly Like there’s the actual scar but the skin around it turns darker which results in the area just looking like a dark brown blob & it’s only started happening last year And as they fade they keep getting more ugly & it makes me want to cut over them & go deeper (for context: I usually go down to dermis) just to see if deeper cuts would heal in a way that I don’t mind seeing I used to be in love with my scars & I do love the ones from years ago (even if they’re pretty faded) but I hate how ugly all my new ones end up & it’s frustrating because I haven’t been able to find a solution or reason for this