Started cutting myself

So I recently started to cut myself. I've only done it 3 times so far, the first two times were on my wrist, and they were small and not to deep. Kind of looked like I got scratched by a cat. The first time I did it, was to see what would happen. What it felt like, and after I cut myself I just watched the blood and en cleaned myself up and went to sleep.

The second time, I felt like I shouldn't exist, and that my life was meaningless, and so I cut myself again. This was about a week after the first time, and again on my wrist. The cuts weren't deep like the first time aswell and could probably pass as cat scratches.

So now my third time was today after I took a shower. While I was in the shower, I was looking at some scars on my leg, that I got at the start of the year when I feel down a hill. So when I got in my room, I cut my leg where the scars where, and just watched the blood just pool up. I then cleaned of my leg and put a bandaid on.

I don't really know if I want to actually hurt myself or if I just want to see what would happen when I cut myself.

I also don't really know what I wanted to do with this post, it's my first time using reddit.

I guess I'd like some advice but I don't really know, I guess I just wanted to get this off chest.