I just realized we were taught to feel shame/guilt so immensely , but never taught to forgive ourselves.

Some of us just needed the other lesson more than the other. A vast majority of people feel shame naturally and don’t need to be beaten to the ground with words telling how selfish we are, how horrible we should feel, how we “could even do something like that knowing x, y, and z”

Nowadays I am afraid to get into relationships or make friends, because any mistake I make or the thought of hurting someone horrifies me. When I do make mistakes, I ruminate over them for so long. They come to me right before I fall asleep. As a result, I think I have a suppressed hatred for myself that comes up every now and then. I know I’m a good person, but as soon as I do something “for me,” (recently, this has been distancing myself from my mom) I feel like an awful person. Whenever I make a mistake at work I immediately believe I’m incompetent. It’s just annoying, and I don’t know how to fix that thought process. I don’t even know if I can, or whether it’s been so instilled into me that I’m a selfish, inconsiderate person. I’m afraid that I am some days, because the last person on Earth I want to be like is my mom.

It’s just sad we didn’t hear, “everyone makes mistakes, just do this in the future!” Or a genuine “it’s okay!” every now and then. It was always screaming, insults, and me silently crying in the bathroom with no forgiveness over small things. I’d remember praying to be forgiven by god every night for very natural things that kids do.