My mom has made my graduations about her—twice now.

I (22F) was raised by a narcissistic mom and an enabling ex-alcoholic dad. After graduating high school in 2020, my mom had a plan for me: get an associate’s degree at the local community college, then transfer for my bachelor’s.

Here’s where things get messy—my mom also decided to start her associate’s degree when my twin sister and I did, through an online program. When I finished mine in 2022, she finished hers too. I bought my cap and gown, excited for my graduation, but instead of supporting me, she guilt-tripped me into skipping my own ceremony to attend hers—four hours away. She threw a massive fit, and after a lot of emotional manipulation, I gave in.

The deal was that once I finished my associate’s, I could go anywhere for my bachelor’s. So, I started looking at an in-state university two hours away. My mom instantly shut it down, calling it "stupid" and refusing to support me. My dad just said, "Can’t you find an online program?" (I couldn’t.)

At 20, I was desperate to get out, so I bought a car in my name (because my mom had threatened to report me for grand theft auto before) and, with my boyfriend’s family's support, moved out in July 2022 to pursue my bachelor’s. My mom didn't speak to me for nearly six months.

Fast forward to now: I graduate with my bachelor’s in May. And, surprise, so does my mom—again, through an online program. She could have finished last year but dragged it out, and honestly, I feel like she just wanted to compete with me.

Now, our graduations are on the same date (state university system thing). And she’s making a huge deal about it. I straight up told her, “You don’t have to come to mine if yours is at the same time.” But I know she’ll make the entire family attend hers instead—just like last time. My twin sister, older sister, younger brother, and dad will all go to her ceremony, not mine.

I don’t know what I need here—comfort? Validation? It just sucks. They never supported me getting my degree, yet now they’ll prioritize her over me. I wish I had a better mom.