Takot akong magmoonlight

I'm a first gen doctor. I didn't apply right away for residency training kasi hindi ako confident enough to pass the PLE because I was below the average student I had really struggle memorizing due to my brain surgery when I was a child. Month has passed since the result and tambay pa din (tho I have sideline related to my premed). I don't really know if I could handle my patient on my own kaya takot akong magmoonlight (felt like parang learn and forget after the boards). I've lost my confidence or I fear commiting mistakes because during my clerkship I was really afraid with the consultants when I was told to scrub out and being humiliated by another one. My PGIship in a private hospital I had less exposure to patients (mostly doing paper works) so I felt like I'm not skilled enough for my patients. Yes, I have plan to take residency maybe next year but I don't know which program. I passed all the clinical subjects in the board (hindi ko nakikita ang sarili ko sa OR because in my pre-med OJT before I would love to talk to patients). I'm not smart and my grades are just above the passing rate so I'm afraid that IM or Pedia would be not for me.

I am now questoning myself, do I really want to be a doctor? I feel like I am an immature lost soul.