Workplace Romance?

tldr: I’ve been hooking up with a workmate and now I think I’m falling for him

Been with the company for almost 4 years. No one knows that I’m into guys din. Early last year, I had a new teammate, and since our jobs are highly related, madalas kaming magkasama sa work - from field work hanggang OTs. At first, I wasn’t comfortable working with him kase maangas ang tingin ko sa kanya. Kaya I maintained a professional relationship with him.

Then one company outing, nagkainuman and nalasing ako to the point na hindi na ako makalakad nang maayos. To my surprise, he offered na ihatid na ako sa room. Well, we share the same room so I didn’t find it suspicious at first. Pero pagdating sa room, he said he’ll stay with me na lang at baka magsuka pa ako. I insisted na bumalik na siya sa inuman pero he stayed. He touched my cheeks, and said “cute mo lalo pag lasing”. Dun ako nagulat, pero I just assumed na playful banter niya lang. I pushed his hand away and sabi ko na lang na wala naman akong lagnat.

I don’t recall when and how, pero ayun nakatulog ako sa kalasingan. I woke up na lang na magkatabi na kami, with him hugging me. Ewan ko bakit pero I hugged back. He’s awake, so tumayo agad ako and pumunta sa banyo. Grabe kaba ko. Without talking to him, lumabas na lang ako sa kwarto.

The day went as usual, pero mas naging aware ako sa presence niya for some reason. Nahuhuli ko na siyang nakatingin sa akin. All I can think the whole day ay “shet alam niya atang hindi ako straight, pinagtitripan ako neto”

Cut to our last night. Basagan na talaga kaya todo na sa inom. Kaming dalawa ang huling natapos sa inuman, at pagbalik sa room he immediately laid on my bed. Hinatak na niya ako katabi niya. And walang tanong tanong, he kissed me. He kept saying na “this is new to me, I’m sorry”

I don’t recall every detail, pero damn that night was wild. After we came, at para lang din matahimik utak ko, I told him that I didn’t expect what just happened. He confessed na matagal na niya pala akong minamata, and he’s the one surprised na hindi ko napapansin. Ang angas niya kase talaga sa pananaw ko, so I never suspected na he’s into me. He prefers to be in the closet din, at least sa work. Just like me.

That was the start of our almost every week na sex. Even sa office. He started being too caring na to me. Or baka ngayon ko lang din napansin? Sabay na rin kami naglulunch and dinner, which has started to feel like dates na. We never really talked about going into a relationship, and I’m just assuming na he’s just with me because of the sex. Hanggang hookups lang kami. Pero ewan, lately I’ve been feeling something for him. I’d like to think na what we have now is already fine, and I don’t want you anything to change. Pero I’d be lying if I say that.

Just needed to get this off my chest. Sana, hindi na lang ako yumakap nung una.