I didn’t ask for this.

I have a 4 year old who is the light of our lives. For a toddler, he’s been pretty easy! And I’m due with boy/girl twins in June, I’m 18 weeks pregnant.. and I don’t want this. I didn’t sign up for two. I’m terrified and angry that this is happening to me and my little family. Everyone tells me it’s a blessing and I’ll realize it soon. But I don’t think that will happen. Every time I go in for a scan a little bit of me hopes that there’s only one heartbeat in there or that one has magically disappeared. My anatomy scan is coming up and I’m still holding out for there to just be one. I don’t know what I’m asking. But I think twins might genuinely break me.