Starting to hate neurotypicals and don't know how to stop
Basically what the title says. I feel like I'm going absolutely crazy and falling into a deep dark hole! The best part is I'm not even formally diagnosed, so I could be mistaken and actually be NT myself!!!
Most of these negative perceptions have arisen because I've started full time work and had to interact outside of my small ND friend group. I will list some, not to shit on NTs, but in the hopes that someone can help me see things a different way.
They gossip too much Seriously. I swear to god they ALWAYS have SOMETHING to say about SOMEONE. It's like jesus christ! Why do you care so much? I may have shot myself in the foot by refusing to engage in gossip with them because now I don't have insight into social politics that may affect me.
They are immoral The gossip and social politics. You're really shit talking people at their place of work? You're willing to affect their livelihood because you want something to talk about? It's just so disgusting to me. Plus it's scientifically proven that they are more likely to sell out their morals for cash than autistics are...
They can't even pretend to treat others equally Neurodiversity, disability, yada yada yada. Boosting this shit all over the company. Saying some support. I'm visibly disabled and I've noticed that I get much better feedback when I work online and people can't tell. There was also some Neurodiversity awareness event and it just turned into NTs jerking themselves off over how "everyone is a little ND" instead of actually listening to what the presenters were sharing. And when one autistic guy actually spoke up about the difficulties they were all just like "...." (he's weird... Vibe). Like dear god can ANYTHING never just be ME ME ME with them?! Aaaand the company has this whole thing of ohh yeah equality no hierarchy, everyone shares opinions. Well, I took it literally, but after observing the way that other graduates speak around different people in the business. That is not true at all.
They think I'm stupid because I choose not to acknowledge their immaturity I do notice when they have those weird looks and those whispers to each other and those "subtle" insults. They think I don't and they think I'm stupid because of it. I'm just choosing not to engage with this bullshit. Well that backfired because someone tried blocking me from a good project because he decided I was stupid. (even though he's never worked with me and people who have, recommended me.. But OK). Plus, I am pretty certain this guy has been shit talking me, because when I've spoken to people who work in that same team, they're "outwardly nice" but clearly visibly uncomfortable and want to get away. Jeez. What am I even meant to do?
Once I said good morning to this one guy and he gave me like the weirdest look ever. So fucking rude. But what am I even meant to say to that? They're all about "social" but once they don't like someone it's all dropped. I can't say I'm socially graceful or very approachable but I'm not doing it on purpose to be rude to people, like damn bro.
They have really weird concepts of professionalism and maturity They gossip like children all the time, but you know if I brought my anime stickered notebook to work I'd be the "child"..
They are liars They'll straight up lie to people's faces. Ask like their best friend and then saying crap. If I don't like someone, I will be professional and not give it off, but I'm not going to straight up lie and pretend to be their best friend.
The weird thing is that like they all kinda seem to be aware of this lying and fakeness and like.. Enjoy it?? Like people talking to managers will just sooooooooooo obviously just agree with them and be dropping facts into the convo to show they're knowledgeable. It's really transparent.
They're boring Talking about other people all the time is boring.
And now I'm stuck between wanting to learn all this social fuckery, not wanting to sell my soul out, and not wanting to completely burn out. Dear lord please help, I don't have the energy for all this stress and anger