Day 396: It's mid day and I'm so exhausted.

I'm really hoping these antidepressants work sooner than later. Everyday I'm feeling more and more like a failure. It's getting harder and harder to not let these thoughts win especially when I feel like I'm fucking up every opportunity.

My problem is I never really seem to learn from my mistakes. I'm beginning to question whether or not I may have some type of personality disorder. If I do, am I just fucked?

This is my life, do I finally just accept defeat and quit trying to be better? Maybe not entirely but maybe I just put my dreams aside for now and focus on getting sober and healthy again.

I guess I'm scared that if I do I'll give up entirely and this will forever be my life. Stuck in a cubicle at a job I dislike and never wanted to do in the first place. It's such a shame I'm always good at the things I don't want to be good at.

I straight up hate this shit. I'm not sure where a guy like me even fits in. I know I've progressed so much since last year but I'm still so empty. I know I'm blessed to be where I'm at now but I feel like I'm throwing it all away.

I'm struggling so much to live up to my father's expectations and my expectations aren't any lower for myself.