How to get over the 200lb hurdle??

I’m (25F) about to be under 200lb, however, I ALWAYS seem to self sabotage my diet so I never reach under that. Ive always been overweight so I’ve never seen myself at a “healthy” weight. The lowest I reached was 190 seven years ago but gained it back after I got into a relationship then.

What helped me a little bit was saying, “I’m already 170, I just have a few pounds to lose” tricking my brain to not feel scared to be under 200. But the fear is real. I don’t know what I’ll look like, I don’t know how I’ll be treated, and it all freaks me out.

When I get to a point I’ll be under 200, my thoughts are flooded with “why are we doing this?? We feel comfortable at 200! Let’s just stay here. No need to worry about the what if. We are good at this weight” but that’s not what I want!! I want to be considered healthy by medical standards, I want to give my knees a break.

Any advice to overcome this brain block?? I considered not using my scale for a month but I don’t count calories so it’s the only indicator that I’m doing ok. However, now that I’m typing this, maybe the number is freaking me out too much to the point it’s hindering my progress?? Any thoughts would help.