If You Feel Like You Don’t Belong, You’re Not Alone (And You Never Have Been)

I don’t really know how to start this in a way that doesn’t feel awkward, but maybe that’s fitting because I’ve always felt kind of out of place. Not just in specific situations or around certain people, but in a much bigger way, like I was dropped onto this planet without the instruction manual that everyone else seems to have. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out why I feel this way, but I’ve mostly just accepted that it’s part of who I am.

That’s probably why I’m drawn to places like this. My account is kind of strange because I spend time in different subreddits where people are struggling. Some days, I’m in the self-harm subreddit trying to help someone find a reason to hold on. Other days, I’m in the abusive relationships subreddit, hoping I can say something useful to someone who feels trapped. And then sometimes, I’m reading about politics or philosophy or something completely unrelated. But at the core of it, the reason I’m here is because I want to help. I want to make the world a little bit less heavy for someone, even if it’s just for a moment.

Lately, it feels like the world is unraveling in ways that are hard to put into words. People are hurting. They’re angry. They’re lost. And loneliness seems to be woven into everything. You can feel lonely in a crowd. You can feel lonely in a relationship. You can feel lonely even when you have people who care about you. It’s a strange, quiet kind of pain that doesn’t always make sense.

I used to think there was something wrong with me for feeling this way, but over time, I started to see it differently. I read a lot, not because I have everything figured out, but because I’ve been searching for answers my entire life. And one of the biggest things I’ve learned is that loneliness is not a sign that you’re broken. It’s part of being human. We are all alone in a certain way because no one else is inside our head, seeing through our eyes, experiencing things exactly as we do. We are born alone, and we leave this world alone, and that thought used to scare me. But now, I see it as something else. A kind of freedom.

Because if that’s true, then loneliness isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s not proof that you’re failing at life. It just means you’re experiencing something that every single person will face at some point. Some people just get better at distracting themselves from it. Others lean into it and try to understand it. I think there’s power in that second approach.

Ram Dass talked a lot about being present, about the idea that so much of our suffering comes from trying to resist what is. When you stop fighting loneliness and start sitting with it, it shifts. It doesn’t necessarily go away, but it stops feeling like an enemy. Instead of seeing it as something that isolates you, you start to recognize that it connects you to others. You aren’t the only person feeling this way. There are thousands, maybe millions of people, awake right now, feeling that same ache in their chest. You may not see them or know them, but they exist. And if nothing else, you are not alone in your loneliness.

Psychology has a lot to say about this, too. Loneliness tends to thrive in silence. It feeds on isolation, both physical and emotional. One of the best things you can do is disrupt it in small ways. Not necessarily by forcing yourself to be around people if that feels impossible, but by engaging with the world, even in the smallest ways. Go for a walk and make eye contact with a stranger. Comment on a post. Listen to music that makes you feel something. Do something kind for someone else, even if they’ll never know it was you. The more you remind yourself that you exist outside of your own thoughts, the less suffocating loneliness becomes.

Another thing that helps is shifting how you talk to yourself. A lot of us get stuck in cycles of thinking that reinforce loneliness. “No one cares. I’ll always feel this way. There’s no point.” The brain is really good at convincing us that these thoughts are facts, but they aren’t. They’re habits. They’re stories we’ve told ourselves so many times that they feel like truth. But just because you’ve thought something a thousand times doesn’t mean it’s real.

I don’t know if anything I’m saying here is helpful. I just know that if you’re here, reading this, it’s probably because you’re hurting. And I want you to know that your pain is real, but it doesn’t mean you are doomed to feel this way forever. You are not broken. You are not invisible. And even if I don’t know you, even if we never speak, I’m glad you exist. The world needs more people who feel deeply, even when it hurts.