Birthday Loneliness

It’s my birthday next weekend I’ll be 24F, and I’ve never felt so lonely in my life. My closest friend is engaged and spending her time with her SO, which I completely understand, and I would expect her to spend my birthday with me and it’s not anything we’ve ever done anyway. I just have so much anxiety around the fact that it’s coming up, it’s like counting down the days to what feels like is going to be my loneliest one. I always celebrate my families birthday so loudly and make it special for them. But, when it comes to mine, I feel like they don’t even know me well enough to be able to do that. I just want someone to celebrate me the way I would for them. How can I make this special for myself? And without the anxiety and expectations of what a birthday should be.

TIA x