I think I should detransition but I don't want to [ftm17]

I have been reading about detransition and I hate it because I am like most detransitioners: afab, bisexual, had a slightly gender non conforming childhood but real gender dysphoria started being serious at 13, had trans friends, my father neglected me, neurodivergent with really debilitating ocd, traumatized... and I don't want to drtransition but I am afraid because it would be the most logical thing to do. It's too many signs I am not really trans.

I know it likely has to be with my mind issues and trauma and the rumination over this is eating me alive but still I am not able to stop binding or see myself as a woman.

My close family doesn't like me being like this and I know it's really dangerous to come out to my extended family, I will literally end up homeless.

I think hormones might be the only thing to save me but it has too many consequences and I am not even sure I will like them knowing they are permanent.

How do you know you won't regret this? I am so scared