Double life

I baptized at 9 and by 11 was basically PIMO Im out of school and been secretly dating and been working full time to move out, at my job and with my friend you would not be able to tell that i was a jw. My parents can tell im PIMO and don't like it but avoid speaking in it due to the tension it creates usually. Being so young it brings me a lot of anxiety, I spend meetings envisioning how the conversation will go when I tell them im leaving and im constantly trying to be cautious around my family. It hurts sometimes since they're all i've known and we will probably never all be together again(my older sister has been shunned for 4 years she was my bestest friend) all because they choose a god over their own children, especially my narcissistic mother who does not hesitate to let us know that. I grow resentful towards the congregation evrey day especially towards those that told my parents they saw me with my bf once, grown folks in a teenagers business. I want to not live in a lie half of the time i know i am not as far from being out but the more time passes the more tiring it becomes. I guess i wanted to let it out with people that understand and went through it too.🫶🏼