I just want my body back

I’m currently nine months postpartum. I gained around 65–70 pounds during my pregnancy, and everyone told me I would lose the weight through breastfeeding. Unfortunately, not only have I not lost any weight, but I’ve actually gained some back. I lost about 20 pounds immediately after birth, but since then, I’ve been steadily gaining and have regained almost all the weight I initially lost. I don’t understand why this is happening. I exercise, eat mostly clean, and don’t consume enough calories to justify this weight gain. I just want my body back. I can’t stand looking at myself in the mirror—I don’t feel like myself anymore, and I’m embarrassed to go out in public. I love breastfeeding, and my daughter loves to nurse, but I’m at my wits' end. I’ve had all my blood work done, and everything came back normal. My BMI is 35, and I’m in constant discomfort—everything hurts, and I feel miserable. I’m 5’2” and was 115 pounds before pregnancy. Now, I don’t even like seeing myself in the mirror when I shower, let alone feel comfortable being intimate with my boyfriend. Does anyone have any helpful advice?