Scared to try depakote

I was in tears yesterday at my appointment. My dr is trying my on 1300 mg depakote (I weigh 130.) The last drug he gave me was tegretol and I got hives on half of what he prescribed me. I don’t want hair loss. I’m honestly used to whatever the eff this mixed state is for the past two months. My doc says if I don’t medicate “bad things will happen.”

All my BP does is make me agitated and give me insomnia periodically (like every couple years.) I do feel suicidal when it first comes on but I’d never do anything to make that happen.

Anyone ever ride these mixed states out or should I suck it up and medicate?