Asexual savior syndrome pisses me off.

I need to get this off my chest because I feel like no one talks about this enough: "Asexual Savior Syndrome". I just called it this way because it reminds me of the savior trope. When you’re asexual, and someone comes into your life thinking they’re going to be your “exception,” like they’re the special person who’s going to “unlock” you or “fix” you. Even if they say they understand that asexuality isn’t something to fix, their actions make it clear they don’t actually get it.

I think asexuality isn’t about “not finding the right person.” It’s not a phase or some broken part of me that just needs the right key to open up. And no, you, person who I deposited my trust, love and time enough to feel comfortable to talk about my asexuality, is not the “key.” This whole savior complex is insulting and exhausting because it completely disregards me. It reduces my identity to some kind of challenge or obstacle to overcome, instead of just accepting it as part of who I am.

What’s worse is how it crosses boundaries. They'll say they “respect” my asexuality, but then they constantly bring up how they think I might change, or how they hope I’ll “feel differently” eventually. Or worse, they push and push, thinking that if they're patient and sweet enough, you'll magically want something you’ve told them that you don’t want. Do people know how invalidating that is? It makes me feel like my boundaries are invisible especially in relationships (which made me totally give up on finding people, tbh), like I’m not enough for anyone unless I “transform” into something else.

And honestly? It’s lonely as hell. Because if I call this behavior out, I get told I’m overreacting or being unfair. But how is it fair for someone to walk into my life, pretend to understand me, and then spend all their time trying to change me? Or even accept to date expecting to f*ck when it's clear, stated that there won't be any. A relationship is supposed to be built on respect, not this weird one-sided mission to “save” me from myself.

Asexuality is not some problem waiting to be solved. It’s not a locked door. It’s not a temporary hurdle. It’s just who I am. And if someone can’t love me as I am, if they can’t respect my boundaries and stop seeing me as a “challenge,” then they don’t deserve to be with me at all. I realized that I don't need to be fawning my ex-partners so they'll treat me better, but this realization came upon me years later, only. When I realized I have value as I am. Meanwhile, some partners only expressed "attention" to me when I brought up sex. That made me so tired.

Anyway, I just needed to scream into the void for a minute because I don’t think enough people understand how damaging this mindset is. Asexuality isn’t broken. I’m not broken. And I’m done tolerating people who treat me like I am.