What am I missing? (Genital disclosure and inclusiveness)

There was a topic the other day about disclosing one's bits(specifically aimed at trans women) on dates and it seemed the consensus was that the duty of disclosure was on the trans women to disclose their transness and their genitals.

But is it really "inclusive" if we expect people who have been "othered" to constantly disclose their "otherness"? If we only expect a certain group of people to constantly disclose their difference, is it really inclusive?

It caught me really off guard how many people seemed to agree with that. What am I missing here?

The topic mostly revolved around someone's personal preferences/boundaries (not liking penis) and while I have no problem with someones like or dislike of penis, it seemed weird to me that the expectation was for trans women to disclose their genitals and not for the other person to disclose their boundaries.

To me it just seems like an attempt to exclude trans women as a real part of the sapphic community by treating having a vagina as the norm and having a penis as something that needs to be disclosed.

Again, what am I missing here?

If I for example had a boundary about body scars(I don't) that made it impossible to be intimate it would be on me to disclose it and I wouldn't expect anyone with scarring to disclose their scars on the off-chance I might be triggered by it. Why does that not apply to being trans/having a penis?