Why is it hard to come to terms?

Hello, I’m glad I found this sub…hopefully I can find the support I kinda need..mobile.

I’ve been with my husband since we were 15&16, now 27&28 and married 4 years.

We have never used protection (yes dumb). But…I’ve never gotten pregnant.

I have PCOS, but I am actively working and seeing drs for this. He has low sperm count, which we just found out this year, and is getting help with that.

I am just so sad that I might have to come to terms that we will never conceive. Or I fear what if it’s just him and I should seek a donor, because how many others get pregnant with PCOS; I know not OFTEN but you know…or what if I can’t be fixed and he cheats and gets someone pregnant because low sperm is still sperm! My mind is constantly making scenarios that don’t exist and is spinning.

I know worrying about it makes it less likely to happen. Any of you who know the frustration of people telling you the good ole “it’ll happen when it’s meant to be”. It makes me physically look like anger from Inside Out when people tell me that. Like I KNOW 🙃, but thanks anyways…

We haven’t worried about it in years until we are finally like…it’s been years and not even a glimmer of hope. Everything is as it should be, we are healthy (other than obvious), my cycle is regular, I clearly ovulate and I test for confirmation when I do ovulate, my cervix is doing her job, all the proper pregnancy things your body is supposed to do, is happening. We do all the wives tales positions, new age positions, no positions as for periods of time we don’t “put the effort in” and just love each other and have fun with each other. We have good jobs, etc - we are ready….

Does it even make sense that I worry about it but at the same time I don’t? We have plans that if we can’t have children naturally we would like to foster and or adopt, but we both know it will still kill each other on the inside. Like an unspoken, unforgettable reminder that we couldn’t make it happen for each other…

I don’t want to discuss my medical information any further than what I’ve put out there, thank you for respecting that. Thanks for listening and any words of encouragement and or advice.