I won't be alive anymore, so why transition?

Yes, yes, it's something I've been thinking about for a long time, I think 5/4 months and I wanted to share it in an outburst. I am a possible trans man (ftm14) who has been diagnosed with depression, hence the title.

I always stop and think: "why care so much about the gender issue if I don't intend to be alive?", but something always refutes my doubt: "why not transition socially since I'm not going to be alive anymore?" And yeah, I'm on a tightrope.

I want to transition socially, and come out to my parents, even though I'm not 100% sure, because I don't want to live anymore, and in this last year, I want to be who I understand myself to be now. But everything becomes so difficult when my own parents don't allow me to cut my hair, or wear clothes that I like, and I think they would accept it, but they will always miss the "little girl" that NEVER existed.

It's all so frustrating, and the only thing I think about is not being here the next day.

Has anyone ever thought like me and everything worked out in the end? I want to know.