Suicide is the kindest and most merciful thing I could do to myself

After lots of self reflection (which recently is the only thing consuming my thoughts when suicidal ideation is set aside), I (19f) concluded that I was doomed from the day I was born. Ostracized and bullied my whole life bc of severe difficulties I face with socialising and communicating in general. CSA, was cheated on, CPS, wage slavery, financial issues and terribly parenting to top it all off. I also recognise that I'm massively flawed and not easy, seemingly beyond repair

I wouldnt say I deserve death, but it's blatantly obvious that I'm not welcome on this planet. It's a hard pill to swallow, but after trying repeateadly to improve my life, it always takes a hit so I can't envision true happiness or even mere contentment ever happening.

So, I really can't see me taking my own life as something desperate or cruel for denying myself the possibility of living a miserable future, if anything, I would be giving myself indefinite grace from all the judgement and fatigue I face merely by just existing.

Thanks for reading, take care<3