How do you handle reacting defensively in discussions about your kids

Over the holidays both sides of our family got to spend a lot more time than they usually do with our kids. They are both toddlers and as such have difficult moments and are still learning. Everytime someone started discussing some of their issues with me (they get frustrated easily, speech problems, violent tantrums, etc) I found myself immediately closing off and not really able to have a decent conversation about it.

These conversations come from people with possibly genuine concerns, who really care about my kids. They may not know all the details or current practices but they are mostly well-meaning. I know that a big part of it are my parenting insecurities coming out and making me panic/freeze.

How do other people deal with the defensive feeling that comes from having to dissect your kid's possible flaws with other people?