When Haddie called Max out

I have made ZERO secret on this subreddit that Haddie is my favorite character in "Parenthood." If I had to pick a moment that officially cemented her as my favorite character, it would be the scene in the episode "Missing" from Season 3 where she chews into Max for running off without telling anybody. Sarah Ramos (Haddie) and Max Burkholder (Max) both did a tremendous job with this scene demonstrating that they understood their characters and their motivations well and why they would act that way.

In this episode, Max expresses a desire to visit the local science museum to see an exhibition on dinosaurs. Originally he was supposed to go with his father and until the day before that was the plan. Unfortunately for him, both Adam and Kristina cannot go due to work obligations. Max, like many children on the Autism Spectrum (and sometimes teenagers and adults) absolutely cannot stand change. Especially relatively last minute change. In desperation, Kristina and Adam ask Haddie to watch Max claiming "you are the best at babysitting Max" (being the sole member of the immediate family who doesn't coddle Max certainly helps with that). Haddie reluctantly agrees to after extracting a promise that Max will allow her to study.

The following day after Kristina and Adam go to work, Max now alone in the house with Haddie, still seems incapable of accepting that he won't get to the museum that weekend. He barges into Haddie's room in a vain attempt to get her to take him there instead. Haddie who is busy studying for exams (she is in her senior year of high school here) is doing her level best not to lose her temper with him. Even when he is telling her they can find public transportation to get there she continues to tell him no and orders him out of her room. She is relieved when he's finally out of there. After about an hour, Haddie comes out of her room, only to find Max has left without telling anyone. She is both angry and scared.

After a series of events where Haddie calls Adam and the two of them finally managed to track down Kristina, Kristina returns home only to find that Max was found in Oakland by the local police having gotten onto the wrong bus and misunderstood the directions. He arrives back at the Braverman house seemingly pleased with himself, "I got to ride in a cop car." Kristina and Adam won't confront him on what happened, but Haddie won't hear of it. Hence where the scene begins.

Incredulous that neither Kristina nor Adam will even talk to Max over his actions, Haddie decides to take the matter into her own hands. Ignoring pleas from Kristina to "let him be" and "he's been through a lot today", as Max walks toward to house to "feed (his) lizard" Haddie calls for him to "stop." Without missing a beat, Haddie quickly looks back at their parents, turns around and asks Max "do you understand what happened today?" Max of course misses the point and says that he "wanted to go to the museum." Haddie, standing there with her arms crossed then makes it clear to Max that the three of them "had to spend our entire day worrying about you and wondering where you are." Max, still missing the point repeats that he "didn't get to go to the museum." Haddie clearly frustrated about what happened and Max not getting it asks him if he gets that and he cares? Getting no response from Max and clearly angry, Haddie says "no you don't care, cause you never care." Haddie then tells him with a rising voice "Max, you have to think about other people. You only think about yourself." Frustrated and saddened Haddie asked "what am I supposed to do.....why don't you think about anyone but yourself?" Haddie with tears in her eyes says "we try so hard to make things normal and it's just not!" With that last point, Haddie enters the house and closes the door. Max, clearly STILL not getting it then asks Kristina and Adam "is she gonna get in trouble for yelling?" With no answer, he then says "I'm gonna go feed guacamole" and goes inside. He leaves Kristina and Adam outside still frustrated. The scene ends.

What makes this scene so great and powerful is that both Sarah Ramos and Max Burkholder absolutely nailed their characters' personalities there. Max clearly doesn't think what he did was wrong and doesn't understand why Haddie is chewing him out. All he seems to care about is that Haddie yelled at him, therefore "consequences." Haddie clearly is upset not only because Max ran away without telling her or anybody but the fact that he is at best indifferent and at worst oblivious to what she is telling him. This has clearly taken a toll on her.

In addition, Haddie clearly is of two minds when she calls Max out. Firstly, she is doing so as a loving and caring big sister who was and is genuinely scared and worried about Max running off to a dangerous part of the Bay Area (he ended up in Downtown Oakland) that he isn't familiar with. She doesn't want Max to get hurt or killed. Secondly, Haddie is a driven, intelligent, ambitious young woman who has spend the bulk of her life in Max's shadow. She is genuinely frustrated about the fact that for essentially all of Max's life, her wants and needs have come second or not at all to his. While she was and is anything other than surprised that Max is on the Autism Spectrum (when the show first premiered in 2010, Asperger's Syndrome still existed as a diagnosis) given that she saw the warning signs very early in his life - frankly just about ANY child would be both hurt and traumatized if a sibling knocked over their 10th birthday cake - and she is more understanding of Max than just about anyone in her situation would be, the hurt is very much still there.

Although she is not always patient with Max and gets angry with him at times - as she did here - Haddie has ALWAYS had Max's best interests at heart. As a person with Asperger's Syndrome who had many of Max's social difficulties growing up (albeit not to his extreme), I NEVER, not once felt that Haddie hated him or was even mean spirited towards him. I have always seen in Haddie someone who genuinely loves her brother no matter what and who wants him to succeed and thrive in life and in a word that even in 2023 truly does not understand Autism. As a person who truly believes - and NOT solely for personal reasons - that people on the Autism Spectrum and people with disabilities should be as part of mainstream society as much as possible, there is no better demonstration of love and affection than that. Because of those factors, Haddie has always been my favorite character in "Parenthood" and I wish she got less flack than she does.