I accidentally threw a soiled diaper over someone's bike

I feel like my life, lately, has been infested with poop and I can't even do anything to stop it.

A close relative of my family had visited us yesterday with their 3-month-old baby. It had been a while since I had met them (almost a decade!) so the excitement got out of hand and I immediately jumped at the baby. He was so adorable, with his chunky little hands.

I had been having a shitty day so the arrival of this new guest brought some life back into my life lol

The things about babies is, the chunkier they are, the more they poop. And a good bowel movement of a baby is a sign of their health so it's nothing to be concerned about. But if only I could have forseen the future, then maybe I'd have had a completely different opinion.

It was around 10 pm, after dinner, when I took the baby to the balcony to play with him (his mom was helping my mom in cleaning up, so she had kindly asked me to babysit him). We both sat on the floor and I was trying my best to make him laugh when I saw the baby clench his fists into tight little balls.

Uh-oh. That's when I knew.

But this situation was easily salvageable. Babies poop their pants all the time. All I had to do was inform his mother and she would take care of it.

The stench that enveloped the room, though... Was something else. If you've never been around a baby's poop, consider yourself lucky. A kilo of those is enough to make an army of men unconscious.

This is where I fucked up.

When my mom asked me to discard the diaper, she gave it to me and told me to wrap it with newspaper and a plastic bag. We keep our old newspapers in the balcony so I, naturally, went outside to get some.

In a rush, I had forgotten that I had kept the diaper on top of the ledge. And as soon as I turned around, I immediately realised what had happened.

The diaper... Had fallen down.

And where did it land? On top of someone's bike.

Let me fast forward through my panic here and bring your attention to what I did to solve this dilemma. I immediately told my brother about what had happened. At first, he laughed at me thinking I wasn't being serious. But when he noticed my deadpan eyes and sweat coursing through my forehead, he knew shit had just gotten real.

We made an excuse to our mom ("Mumma, my chappal accidentally fell down so I'm going to get it. Bhai bhi aarha saath me kyunki kutte honge abhi raat me ok bye!) and my brother sneakily brought a water bottle that he hid inside his jacket.

Our plan was to somehow retrieve the diaper and try our best to wipe the crime scene clean.

When we reached downstairs, we realised that the bike was actually parked inside someone's compound, and there was no way we were going to be able to reach it. I was starting to sweat bullets.

My brother somehow found a large stick laying on the ground and we finally managed to retrieve the diaper. Thank God the poop wasn't... runny.

Now the question was: how are we going to clean this mess?

It was already very late at night, and fearing that we might get caught, we decided to dump water from over the balcony. At least, some of it would get washed, no?

Anyway, this was a long, long night.

We did the balcony trick but it didn't work as well as we thought, so we just prayed that no drama will happen in the morning.

When I got up in the morning to get newspaper from downstairs, I had noticed that the bike was shining clean. I didn't remember it being that clean last night so I started wondering how that happened.

Just before I could go back, I heard the car-washing bhaiya (he is hired by our colony and washes everyone's vehicles in the morning) complain angrily to the guard, "Yaar aap gate acche se bannd krdiya kro raat me. Kutte aake gaadiyo k upar hagg dete h. Aaj toh maine-"

I didn't hear the rest of the conversation and just ran upstairs, my face completely red from the embarrassment.

I'll remember to tip the bhaiya generously next time he comes over to ask for money.

Ok bye