Husband unable to perform

Do not DM me, I will not reply. This post is open for discussion to all, so there’s no need.

Husband (31) and I (24) have been married for four years now. In the beginning, it was pretty good, no arguments, no problems, no complaints.

Recently (the last year or so) we’ve been having issues in the bedroom. He gets turned on for a few minutes and all is going good, then out of seemingly nowhere he’ll get soft. I’ll ask him what’s the issue but he can never seem to have a response.

We’ve discussed it openly and he says it could be stress as he’s currently unemployed and searching for a job. But this is recent, for the past two weeks, whereas he’s had a stable job for the past three years. So I don’t believe this is the true cause. It could still be stress but I don’t think it’s limited to just his unemployment.

I’m confident there’s no infidelity concerns because I know where he is 100% of the time. This issue makes me feel so gross and ashamed as a woman. As if there’s something wrong with my body or I’m not attractive even though he keeps telling me it’s not my fault. I can’t help it; it feels like my fault.

He doesn’t even want to try anymore, it’s been months. He’ll happily take care of my needs without being intimate, if you know what I mean. But he doesn’t want to even try performing the deed with me because he’s already resigned himself to thinking it won’t work again.

And he says he doesn’t like the look of disappointment in my face (honestly I’ve tried my best not to make any faces I didn’t even know I was doing it, I think it’s in his head, and I praise him when he gets creative during the act after it stops working, telling him things like “it was so amazing, you’re mind blowing with your fingers.” And the truth is that I’m disappointed even if he doesn’t try so might as well try right?)

Also, we’ve recently noticed that even when he does manage to get the deed done or before the issues started: he would never want to finish. He would very rarely finish during or after the act. We’ve talked about this (we have great communication) and he says he feels it takes him too long to finish. He thinks he’s “wasting my time” when he’s trying to finish.

We have no kids and live alone. He gets about 5k steps in per day. Just FYI in case it helps. I’m also not the type of wife who’ll just lie there and quietly let him do what he needs to do; I’m an active participant during intimacy which should help him stay excited, as it’s always more appealing when the partner is involved and enjoying it, right?

Good lord, please help me. If any man (or maybe a lady who’s been through a similar experience) could please help me and give advice on what could be causing this, I’d greatly appreciate it!

P.S: he HAS seen a doctor. They’ve recommended viagra and some sort of expensive surgery that I think is VERY unnecessary. Keep in mind, this is what HE’S told me. I’m wanting to take him to a doctor myself with me present to hear for myself what they have to say.