My (29f) husband (37m) lying about where he was until 1am

Context: we’ve been together 7 years, and married for 4. We have 3 kids 5, 3, and 1. I’m a stay at home mom. If I leave him I would be essentially starting with zero to my name. No job, no education, both the car and house not in my name. So leaving is a really daunting idea….

Anyway, on to last night (and probably many other nights, last night is just the 1st time I had proof). My husband lied about where he was. He was out till almost 1am. He wasn’t answering calls or texts. So I packed up the kids and drove to where he said he was, he wasn’t there. I also drove to a couple other bars that he likes, no sign of him. I even drove by his work because sometimes he stays there drinking with a couple coworkers.

So he finally messaged me at 12:30am that he was at the 1st bar I looked for him at and that he was on his way home. I was asleep by that point though. This morning he already left for work by the time I woke up, so I started texting him asking how his night was, and asking for details to see how far he will dig himself into this lie. He responded to each question quickly and with details, too. He had zero problem lying and was even quick to make up fake details to sell the lie.

So he came home for a little bit and I asked a few more questions to see his body language, and he seemed cool as a cucumber lying straight to my face now. I finally confronted him, and he clammed up completely. He seemed shocked, he had nothing to say. He floundered for a minute trying to come up with something, but eventually just went completely silent.

I asked for an explanation and he claims that he did go to that bar he said he went to. But that he met someone there who sells cocaine, and so he went back to the guys house to party and do coke.

I am so furious I don’t even know where to go from here. This isn’t the 1st time he’s fucked up, but I’ve always forgiven him because of sunk cost fallacy, and because we have young kids, and because I am completely dependent on him. I feel trapped. I also do still love him and keep hoping he’ll be a better man to us.

He also refused to turn location sharing on last time I asked because he said it gives me “too much power.” I feel like such a fool. I don’t even fully believe his story. I think the coke thing probably is true, but I think it was with a girl, not a guy. Unfortunately he is a prolific liar, and will only ever admit to things I have proof of, so without proof I know he would never admit if he was with a girl.

Sorry it’s so long, I’m just so lost now. I don’t want to lose our family, but I also know we can’t go on like this, and we don’t deserve to be treated like this…