Trip report/need help figuring out what went ‘wrong’

So, first of all, I want to preface this by making it clear that I by no means believe I had a bad trip, it was mostly good, but got really.. difficult towards the latter half. This is me mostly writing it down to help me understand my own experience during my first LSD trip, and maybe get some help understanding it from more experienced users. I have some idea of what I did wrong, but want to hear what you guys think. Oh and sorry, this will be long, thanks for beeing here, do not feel the need to read :).

So first of all, some backstory. I have been interested in psychedelics most of my life, but due to some intense propaganda from my mom especially, somehow stayed away from it until my early 20s when I first tried 2-CB. Instantly fell in love, and wanted to keep exploring (and did try some shrooms), but for a lot of reasons combined it took me until now (33) to actually feel fully comfortable and be in the right setting internally to feel it was time to try LSD. I have earlier this year experienced some trauma in loosing a really close friend to suicide for the second time in my adult life. This has led me down a route of (deeper than before) depression, but also made me finally seek therapy, where I have discovered that I likely also got AudADHD (getting it diagnosed will take years).

Anyways, I just woke up one day recently and decided it was finally time, so I planned it out so that I would be able to do it on the last day before flying back ‘home’ to visit my parents. I got myself some 200microg blotters, well aware they likely are less. At first , I was thinking of just doing the whole blotter, as I assume it is more like 150mg, but my close friend, lets call her Ingrid, convinced me to do 3/4. Before starting, I made sure I had packed everything for my trip the next day, cleaned my room and apartment, made sure I had snacks, ate a pizza and took a shower. I had beforehand read some of the information on psychonautwiki, regarding dose, dangers, preparation and so on, but first mistake, although no problem at all, failed to see how long the come up is. My plan was mostly to have different options available, and see where the trip took me. I had my toys available in-case I felt horny, my playlist of music videoes I enjoy when high on psychedelics, and my friend Ingrid was available via phone, otherwise I was alone.

When everything else was done, time to take the blotter, this was a bit later than I had hoped, as it was 16:45 (my plane was the next day at 12:30, but as I am very chill around flying it did not stop me). I put the blotter under my tongue, actually gave it a small bite (I had heard about how it should not taste bitter/metallic) no flavour at all really. Around 15 min later I took a sip of water and accidentally swallowed the blotter, but I knew this should not be an issue. I was watching some cool animated short films (I love doing that, especially while high), while waiting. I got caught by surprise of how chill the come up is compared to 2-cb, but that was honestly just a nice surprise. This was really fucking nice. I started seeing stronger colours, the music felt more alive etc. Here I did what was probably my first mistake, I wanted more and took the rest of the blotter (roughly 1hr in). At some point shortly after I decided to watch some tripporn, as I got quite horny, will spare you the details, but had a great orgasm, and decided the movie was not really for me.

Anyways, this is where things really started to get fun, I had a shower, and saw all of the colours on my white tiled bathroom. At this point is when things also started getting weird, but in a good way. I realised my thoyghts where just flying all over the place, and I had no ubderstanding of time. This really caught me off guard, especially combined with the ‘adhdness’ of the trip. Best way to explain what I mean here is that I decided to put on a skifilm that I fucking love and feel is great, as it is just soo fucking beautifully filmed, great bature shots and so on, and also kinda, trippy (Into the mind, for those curious). I noticed how I would totally zone out, and just focus on some short (few seconds) part of it, and get some really deep feeling thoughts around it. Felt like I was thinking about something for like 15-30 min, only to realise it had only been a few seconds.

This really caught me off guard, but not in a negative way, yet. It was just kinda funny. I could also feel how I was in a weird state of not beeing able to just chill, but in the same time could focus on small details with more control than I normally could. There was waaay more distractions than I normally have, but I felt like I was able to focus on them one at a time. Then see I had only done it for a few seconds. I had turned of all notifications on my phone, to not get distracted, but on and off talked to Ingrid. I had some weird though loops, where I felt all the music and my thoughts kinda looped even tho they where different (although at some point I tricked myself by fucking up my playlist so there where only 3 songs, then laughed my ass of when I discovered it). The above more or less described the first 6 hours, and I had a great fucking time.

This is when I did what I believe was my first mistake, my visuals where calming down, and I wanted it to continue. So I took a few hits of weed from my vaporizer (flower not liquid). At first I felt fucking amazing. Around this time is where I also got a message from Ingrid, who now was home alone and wanted to play. She always makes me horny af, so I of course obliged and we had a great little sexting session. Ending in some great orgasms for the both of us.

Around 30 minutes later is when things got a bit difficult, but I struggle to explain why/how it was. First thing that came to mind was just mental exhaustion. It already felt like my head had done soo much work and I just wanted to chill, but things still felt 'weird' different. I felt like something had changed, so everything felt kinda wrong, but it was weird, because I did not feel high anymore. This stressed me out quite a bit. I also had a feeling everything in my head was like plastic. And got a weird aversion to all psychedelics, especially lsd, and everything trip related. Yet, none of my anchors worked. Even the most normal music felt trippy, and everything felt like a loop, kinda similar to at the peak, but now it just did not feel fun or good anymore. I went for a walk, around my neighborhood, but the familiarity of it just felt clawing. While on the walk, the earlier time-dilation started scaring me a bit, as I got into a bit of a thought loop, of, how can I really know that I am not just 2 hours into the trip lying on my bed still, and everything else is just fantasy? Luckily I managed to just let it go and hope for the best.

I tried to play some counter-strike but that felt even more like a loop (not surprising when I think back at it tbh). I tried to watch some tv, just the normal stuff I watch, but it felt so.. plasticy, not as in fake, but the way people looked felt plasticy and wrong, similar to I myself felt like inside my head really. I am really grasping at straws trying to describe the feeling here, but it was suffocating. At some point I remembered something important I had forgotten to tell Ingrid about future plans, and we agreed to do a phone call after I had another shower. We talked for a few hours, and this really helped me relax a bit and feel more normal, but still something was.. off. Now it was around 3-4 in the morning, and I felt mostly sober, albeit tired and still 'plasticy'. I tried to get some sleep, but as soon as I lay down, I saw some visuals in my side eye (just some blinking lights, but eneugh to distract me from sleep). So after some quick research I decided to take some codein tablets I had to help me fall asleep, then sat up reading the message history from the night to help me understand, and also read some other stuff. I went to bed around 5-6 and got in a few hours of sleep. Later the next day I slept like a baby on the flight, and arrived at my parents feeling totally normal.

Now, a few days later I am trying to find out what (if anything) went wrong, and how to have a better trip in the future. I feel like my first mistake was actually taking it alone, without being ready for how much introspective thinking that would involve. I think, for me at least, it would have been easier if I could experience it more socially at this point in my life (or I think so anyways, please tell me if I am wrong here). I totally see the value of using it for deep meditation, I just do not think I was ready for that yet. The weed was most definitely a mistake and might be the major one that fucked it all up. Other than that I do not know, and this is where I need help. Yes, I should also have prepared more and read more beforehand, and I will get myself some benzo's so I have the option to stop it next time (and will obviously do my reading on those). My next time will also not be a solo trip, likely with Ingrid, but we both want to be as safe as possible in terms of not having a bad time. So am I on the right track of finding out what went wrong here? If you have been crazy enough to read all of this rambling, do you have any other tips, or ideas to what went 'wrong' here? Honestly, if anyone read all of this I am mind blown and appreciate it a lot, so any help would be a godsent.