Need advice on whether to pursue IVF or not

Hey IVF Fam

I am in two minds and driving myself bananas about what to do.

My context:

- Married (happily, but only been together 3 years so we're a young new couple still. Husband is 40.

- We have savings but husband hasn't figured career out yet, so this feels like an 'unsafety' thing; I am breadwinner atm though he does not apply pressure on me and this may or may not change as he figures out career.
- 35

- AMH is low for my age (very low) - declining rapidly, it's halvedin the past 6 months so time is ticking. At the current rate of decline I suspect it might be gone in 6 months BUT apparently AMH levels are no indicator as to when menopause hits.

- I have frozen 12 eggs so far, which is enough for one round of IVF

- I tried to freeze eggs 2 x prior and it didn't work, I developed cysts. SO it was terminated.

Now I am unsure whether I want kids.

I have been kicking the can down the line for years and always thought I'd have kids at 37 - 38.

I run my own business and adore it, it takes up 8 - 10 hours a day of work and I have audacious goals and want to scale it.

I have never felt that URGE to have kids - I've got a Masters degree and always been very intellectual.

But when I found out my AMH levels were so low, I felt the most agonizing grief and pain of losing the option to have kids.

I now DO want it - I want the IDEA of having a kid, and a little baby, and the joys of family - but...

- We live in Canada alone, family are in Europe so no support

- Cost of living is insane here; we can afford a baby but a child/teen is doable but I can see it being tricky

- I am terrified of climate change

All of that to say...I now have the option of paying for IVF here to try to freeze embryos. Doctor said I have lower odds than someone with a higher AMH. Maybe 1 - 7 eggs.

This information was disappointing.

Cost is around $30k here.

We could wait for medical aid but that takes 18 months and I fear my AMH will be gone by then.

Essentially my biggest fear is ...do I put my body through the rigmarole of paying $30k+ and doing this one more time when I am not even 100% sure I want to have kids?

I worry about regretting NOT doing this...but I also worry that I am throwing money down the drain for something that may not work and I may never use.

I feel trapped and stuck, angry and frustrated.

The past 3 years have been consumed with egg freezing and worrying about my AMH which feels like such a waste of life.

I can't help but think what I could spend $30k on mental health wise...

But what if I regret NOT trying?

What if in 2 years I yearn for kids and I am mad I didn't do this?

I'd love your help. :(

Thank you!