my ex won

Went through a brutal breakup, and a few months in I decided that I need to bite the bullet and get my first like…. Sex with someone else for the first time in years just done and over with. Immediately got genital herpes, hsv2.

my ex has been trying to get back with me and I would want to try too but I keep responding with anger and hatred because I know that he would never accept me now that I have hsv2, and say that it was a punishment and also a mark on me that God used to tell him to find someone else because I’m ruined.

I don’t know how to recover my self esteem because he can go off with any girl he wants (he has been doing a lot of self improvement since we broke up) and now I’m damaged goods who nobody will want to be with, and I’m destroyed sexually like I can’t offer anybody the great sex life I offered him. and it’s all my fault because I had unprotected sex with a guy I thought I could trust.

what do I do to not feel like I want to kill myself every second of every day? it’s been 6 months and I have not been happy for a single moment because I never stop thinking about this. my life would be legions better if this hadn’t happened, and now it’s completely destroyed forever.