Had to mute r/LetGirlsHaveFun

Let's be very, VERY clear: I don't disagree with the sub's existence. I think it's a great community and all that. I'm having a very bad reaction to it that I didn't think I would have. Like an obsessive parasocial relationship with it, I think would be the best way to put it. I feel myself obsessively scrolling the page, wishing I could be that guy in that kind of relationship, and it's getting really obsessive. I've tried to quit porn two weeks ago or so, but I've basically given up on it. I'm 30, have identified multiple reasons for living (I realize that's an area of concern, so I want to get that cleared out there, I'm basically being a bitch), have a great job that I absolutely love, my own house, and an amazing family. The one thing that I don't have is a great social life outside of family. I don't meet anyone. I talk to people at work, and I'm friendly with them, but I don't get invited out often (I'm thinking about making plans to get out with them though). But I don't know, maybe it's the Internet or something, but I'm being so impatient. I want that connection now. I want that feeling of melting in a woman's arms like a chocolate bar now. Not in a week from now. But right now. And that sub just makes me feel like I'm missing out on that connection. As much as I've sworn off that incel garbage a long long time ago, those feelings of never being with anyone still come back. They tell me I'm no good because I don't have any dating experience at 30, soon to be 31. I know it's nonsense, but somehow those feelings override my logic and makes me feel bad about myself. I hate it. Everything else in my life is going absolutely perfectly. Seriously, I read everything else in this subreddit and my heart goes out to you all. It really does. This feels like whining, it really does, but I can't whine like this to my work friends. They won't understand. I hope I can work through my feelings enough to unmute that sub. They are fine. They're not a problem sub at all. I'm just having a bad reaction to them. That's all.

Edit: God I love you all. I've been looking for a space like this since r/incel was a thing (and at that time, I think it was like 2013 or so, it was initially advertised as a space like that until that asshole named camllib or something like that took it over with his neo Nazi shit). I had a rough day, so usually these feelings don't get very...explored, or expressed, or answered, I think you get the idea. Thanks for hearing the shit I'm afraid to tell my therapist lol. (Yes, I know, tell my therapist this shit, yes I know. I hate talking about this crap in person. I would much rather read the responses like this from people I'll never meet again and miss the whole shame thing.)