Does denial ever stop?

I guess this is more so a vent than anything but it’s so draining. I make some progress or almost accept it then it’s lost. My counselor and psychiatrist both tell me I have it but even their reassurance does little. I hate how my friends constantly ask if I’m feeling better because apparently something happened and I say yes but I’m so confused and lost. I keep losing time or gaining time, I can’t recall things I talked about a day ago, I hate this, I’ve always deeply hated it. Yet I deny it all, laugh it off and pretend it’s all just normal happenstance. I try so desperately to accept it and talk about the light hearted aspects of it to my partner system or our friends but then I feel guilty and fake, like I’m doing it all for show but why would I fake this? Why would anyone fake this?! I’m just so tired and drained mentally with the denial, with all of it, I wish I could just accept this