Addressing an issue from Surving to Thriving

Not going to completely bash his work because he actually did a solid job helping build a toolkit for flight & fight types. But he should have been a lot more open about cPTSD/Freeze/DID & DDNOS and that he was out of his depth. I found myself doing a lot of 'inner critic shrinking work' without explicit memory. I destroyed what was left of my relationship with my parents by attacking them for their neglect, narcissistic, borderline abuse. But having researched a lot of Sam Vaknin's work. You realise these people live in a semi-fantasy world of make believe. The biggest shock is how they keep the illusion going. So I can't fault them for earning wealth or working hard. They never drank or did drugs. All they did was work. My father used to be around angry and then was never around. My mother used to be a 'silent BPD' then towards menopause started to destroy her sons like that Greek mythological story of ' Saturn eating his children'. I woke up this morning on empty. Deep emptiness. Then I do my self- soothing. Then I begin to get angry at the government ( our surrogate stand in parents), then I think of my cluster B acquaintances where we maintain our matrix or illusion of transient connections. Finally I began to drill down to retrieve one memory at a time. There's no one chunk or anything complete. Just fragments of dissociative interactions.

So what the fuck was I supposed to do for all those years other than hold the line and give them the benefit of the doubt? They are going senile and emotional enmeshment truly fucked with my head. In the end when I went Hard after this. I ended up losing my family connections, friends, money, my career or whatever.

Do these ' trauma experts' ever tell you the true COST of trying to heal from this shit or do they list out 100 things wrong with you.. exploit people with dissociative memory lapses and leave this grey area like it's an unsaid pretend legal area that most trauma victims have access to episodic and autobiographical memory. My suspicion is most people don't. Most people trying to heal are winging it.

Occasionally you have someone say EMDR,IFS , ayahuasca or whatever the hell 'CURED' them. Where were they before? They were holding down jobs, they had relationships and they hadn't been burnt to the plum where forming one fucking connection felt like trying to plant a seed in a barren dessert.

I remember Pete going on about a woman called' Mod' probably a CSA and cPTSD/DID victim he wrote something like this

[She] form an attachment disorder in which she bonded with TV rather than with a human being. Sadly, she is still lost in that relationship living on disability in an apartment cluttered with an enormous amount of useless hoarded material.”

No offence Pete, but that's a shitty thing to say. What if she couldn't form an attachment? What if disability is her last line of support? What if those useless objects are like the useless objects that orbit our useless star with a lot of other useless sh*t? Maybe I read that wrong. But I feel sorry for this woman. Maybe that's all she had and it was sure as hell a greater stand against this void of spiritual desolation than walking around with a trolley or becoming a drug or even worse a useless politician or banker that racked up 30+ trillion in debt for the US. Now that's a sickness.