relived and lonely (NSFW)

Bipolar Diaries 1 (NSFW)

Yesterday I was lightly (determined bipolar but type not specified) diagnosed with bipolar disorder. In a sense, this was a huge relief to me. I’m 25 F, have never kept a relationship longer than 10 months straight, lost all of my friends, struggle with alcohol abuse, and convinced myself I was insane because of the intensity of my emotions/ manic episodes. I’ve never been to a mental hospital but probably written about 5 $uic*** notes and attempted once and struggled with bouts of self harm, fucking literally every person in sight and hating my self for it, but I was always able to get myself out of these phases for a little bit. While the diagnosis in no way excuses my past actions and emotions, it gave me a sense of relief because I can finally understand why I’ve acted in this way. I can finally go off of SSRIs WHICH DID NOT WORK FOR ME AND IT WAS THE FUCKING WORST THING TO GO THROUGH.. and go on an antipsychotic to balance me out. Terrified of gaining weight tho… anyways… I hope this helps me. Sadly my psychiatrist won’t give me anything stronger then gabapentin/ bursar combo for my chronic fucking anxiety and panic attacks but it’s okay. He doesn’t want me to get addicted and in a sense I can respect that, but got is it a struggle. I’m hoping the antipsychotic can help balance that out as well. I wish you all the best. Thank you for reading my post.