This is ruining my life.

Honestly im really tired and upset and at this point i dont even know if its BPPV anymore, even though thats what the nurse told me when i last saw her (Because here in America you don't get to talk to a doctor unless there's something urgently wrong with you 💀 yay for the healthcare system.)

Ive been dealing with this since the end of 2023 and its almost debilitating and i cant take it anymore. Some days are better than others, but as of recently i literally cannot move around properly or eat without feeling like im about to fall and hurt myself. I cant look at things or turn my head without feeling like im about to tumble and crack my skull open, and i cant walk around places like the store casually without my legs feeling like complete Jell-O because every movement i make is literally KILLING me both physically and mentally. I literally cant take steps properly anymore or stand still because my body genuinely cant keep up with the constant swaying all around me and the overwhelming stimulation that i cant keep track of because everything i do sends me *SPIRALING*

I miss being normal. I miss being able to leave my house without feeling like im going to fall over and die. Im still a minor, im scared that im never going to be able to get a job or get into college because of this stupid issue that i cant control. Its embarassing, and everyone is looking at me swaying around like a moron like im some kind of druggie. Its starting to make me thing rather bad thoughts and im tired. Nothing seems to be helping, nothing is making it better. And i just want it to *stop*. I've tried going to a doctor, they did not help me. What's even the point of living a life that i cannot thoroughly thrive in.

I don't know what else to do. I just want to be free from this, i want to be able to walk around and stand around without feeling like im about to crash, i want to sit down and eat without feeling like im going to fall out of my chair.

This is so freaking overly emotional but i cant take it anymore. Ive been suffering from this for so long and it just wont stop.