It’s literal hell suffering so much without no one to turn to irl

These symptoms are total fucking hell and im so exhausted of having breakdowns all the damn time to the point where i feel like throwing up or passing out and the agony is unbearable but there’s no one to help the only person i feel like i have left in these moments is a parent who gave me cptsd and only threatens me when i already desperately need help i feel so alone i just want some peace im traumatized beyond comprehension i just want to leave this hell on earth