I’m a horrible girlfriend

I was on FaceTime with one of my boyfriends old friends and mine and I just had like a split second thought about how much we mesh in comparison to my boyfriend and I like I try so hard to talk to my boyfriend but it’s almost as if we can only do it on his terms you know? And I don’t know how to act but with this guy it’s like we just VIBE and I feel fucking HORRIBLE about it because he looks like a lighter skinned version of my ex I hate myself for it