abandonment

i understand BPD is marked by a fear of rejection & abandonment… but the things is every DOES eventually abandon and reject me. so it’s not in my fucking head, clearly. i’ve just been thrown out yet again by somebody who said they loved me just an hour earlier. because i asked for some simple reassurance. i can’t tell if im actually the fucked up on or if people use my disorder against me at this point. But yeah - is it really just us thinking abandonment is in our heads if we actually do get abandoned this fucking much???