struggling with the thoughts

I’ve never posted on this subreddit before but I’ve been aware of the fact that I have bpd for 3 years now. In August I went off to college, and winter break is currently in session as of like, somewhere near christmas. In a matter of weeks of being around my parents I feel like I’ve regressed entirely… before I went home I was beginning to believe I only had ptsd and depression and whatnot but now i cannot convince myself otherwise anymore.

being around my mom has made me so much worse and the way she talked to me and the things she did and what I experienced brought back so many repressed memories and feelings that I feel exactly as i did during my worst periods, struggling with the exact same thoughts im having now. This has been going on for weeks.

the big straw for me was that my mom and I got into an argument about my birthday plans because weeks prior she TOLD me I was going on a cruise with her on my birthday and did not ask me, and I don’t really like cruises or traveling the way she likes to. last year we also had trouble planning stuff for my birthday and in the end it was just something she wanted to do and where she needed to go for business reasons rather than somewhere I wanted to be. So I brought that up and idk it was just not fun and literally within an hour of our argument finishing and her telling me to stay home and do nothing with my dad she bought me a plane ticket for the following afternoon and sent me away. it’s been days since then and everything I feel has just been getting worse