Alienation and no sense of community IRL

I want to start this off by saying that I’m not diagnosed as being on the spectrum. People have said I do, and I kind of suspect it but don’t want to say I do without a diagnosis. That being said, I don’t know if this is relevant to this subreddit. I just have heard of others with autism having this experience and would like some support.

I know that the experience of feeling alienated and not having a sense of community is a common experience that most people have gone through, autism or not. I just feel so alone and weird.

I smile at people, and they give me a weird look or don’t smile back. Nobody treats me like I’m “one of the girls” or whatever that means. No girl treats me like a sister like how I see them treating strangers they pass by. I never get complimented by other girls and I feel so outside of the world going on around me. I never get the joke, I laugh at the wrong times, or don’t laugh when I’m supposed to. It takes me so long to react or respond to something that someone says and then they sort of laugh or get weirded out. People laugh when I react to things which I guess sometimes my reactions are silly but I’m just being normal or sometimes silly but not in a way that someone should laugh I don’t think. I just feel lost and I want to have girlfriends so bad but never feel like I can keep up.