How do I M43 deal with emotional unavailability in my partner F43 of 16 years?

My partner of 16 years and mother of my children is emotionally unavailable. She says she doesn't 'like to be touched and is an introvert. She doesn't have or want any friends. She is never off a screen, spends all day online shopping. I never get her full attention. She is never present.

Her love language is acts of service. She is rock bottom for the other 4.

My love language is touch, followed by words of affirmation.

I feel so lonely. She makes me feel invisible. She is so self contained and so independent it's like I'm totally unnecessary. She doesn't need me. I feel like she has no emotional or physical needs at all.

I by contrast do have emotional needs. I've spent 16 years making her my focus, trying to meet needs that aren't there. I learned about the love languages and thought at the time that was a lightbulb moment, so I switched all my energy to acts of service. I've been focusing on this for over a year but it still doesn't seem to have had any impact on her, I may as well not have bothered.

I feel so lonely, even though we've been together all this time.

I desperately want her to touch me. Show me affection. Hold my hand, stroke my hair, cuddle me, snuggle up to me in bed. I can get her to do these things if I snuggle up to her, but it's not the same, it doesn't come from her.

Sex is really important to me, the closeness, the intimacy, it's an emotional thing for me, how I show love and how I feel love. She has a low sex drive anyway and when we do have sex it's good, but for her it's gratification, it's not emotional at all. She never initiates and her constant rejection when I try to initiate hurts.

I've had a major depressive episode where I nearly killed myself 2 years ago and it is largely because I feel so unloved.

She's a fantastic woman and I love her a lot, but being with her is painful when she is the way she is and I'm the way I am. She doesn't seem interested or to care about my emotional needs at all. I keep trying to meet hers, but my friend who is high functioning autistic and says he has no emotional needs thinks she doesn't either.

I don't want to leave her, I don't want anyone else, I don't want to stop being a family,i don't want to lose my home and my kids.

But my emotional needs are not even close to being met and I feel so impotent not being able to meet hers. I can't abide the idea of abandoning my kids, that's why I haven't been suicidal for the last year, I know they need me.

I just want to feel loved, but she seems incapable of change. Any more than I can not have this need.

What on earth can I do?