He relapsed

I feel everything and nothing. I knew it was very likely (just statistically speaking--I knew that it was most likely going to happen, just didn't know when). He was just about to hit 2 months.

I feel bad for him. I know he's disappointed in himself. Still, he seems more drunk now than he did a few hours ago, so he's still drinking.

I'm nervous for tomorrow and for beyond. I don't want to go back to being jumpy and anxious and needing to know what he's up to. Just venting--this sucks.